Restless in Writersland

It’s been months now that I’ve been plagued with restlessness. I still haven’t found something to quiet it. I have all these things I want to get done, yet no desire to actually do the physical work.

I love to cook, but right now I dread cooking.

I love to write, but right now I dread writing. I’m forcing myself to write this blog post because if I was writing every time I was thinking about writing, I’d have written 100 novels by now. I have to start somewhere and all of you get to come along for the ride.

I love to read and yet I haven’t felt the desire to pick up a book. I even stopped reading partway through a book by one of my favorite authors because I just couldn’t get into it. What?! I’d been waiting 4 years for the book to come out, have been reading the series since 2003, and I struggled for 3 weeks to read 160 pages. Then I gave up and returned it to the library.

I bought some new CDs with birthday money I’d been hoarding since October. I think it’s been more than a year since I bought a CD. The only time I’ve listened to them is when I’ve been in the car with the kids.

Art projects are lining themselves up on my craft table (which is just a folding table I’ve set up in my office so I have a surface where I can leave unfinished projects). Scrapbooking, sewing, jewelry. I’ve scribbled some notes about book ideas in my journal. I’ve pulled a bunch of clutter off my bookshelves and started boxing things up with the crazy idea that I’m going to refinish my bedroom furniture, shelves included. I even have plans to build my own bed with some unwanted wood a friend has in her backyard.

Not one project has been finished.

I’m contemplating ripping out the carpeting in my living room and attempting to lay down laminate wood floors. Someone, please talk me out of it!

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It’s a Crazy Life

I have been a bad, bad girl as far as blogging goes. I haven’t even been able to keep up with the reading of other people’s blog posts. This is a crazy time of year for me. We’ve got Christmas, which having 2 kids in school has made infinitely more complicated, and then both kids’ birthdays.

The good news is, I am done Christmas shopping. Kids, niece and nephew, all the grandparents, and 3 teachers. Done! And I just got the final package from Amazon with the birthday presents. Once my Christmas card order gets here, I will be done waiting for packages. We still have one Kindergarten “Holiday Concert” to attend, one pre-school Christmas party to attend and bring food for and one Kindergarten party to provide food for.

I have been going for Physical Therapy for the last 6 weeks. It is awesome and I am pain free most days. We are still working on my “neuromuscular re-education” as they put it, but it works. I have 2 appointments a week to schedule into my weeks, around the times for school drop-offs, bus stop drop-offs, shopping without kids time, and Caylie’s doctors’ appointments.

Caylie started seeing a counselor about a month ago, so I’ve been carting my kids to that appointment once a week. And we are seeing a Behavior Specialist once a month for Caylie as well, which I’m factoring into the juggling act of my appointment/commitment schedule.

Most recently, my insomniac almost 6 year old has developed some kind of phobia about going to sleep. So after a couple of months of being able to sleep through the night, we are back to sleep deprivation and the new behavior of our child having a major panic attack at bed time.

That’s been my life between blog posts. Oh, and I’m almost done with the first draft of my novel. I think, if I can actually get some writing time in when Mike’s on vacation for Christmas, I can have it finished by the end of the month! Take that, crazy, boring life! Bam!

Merry Christmas everyone! And Happy Holidays if you celebrate something else, or nothing at all! I’ll catch you again next year.

My Real Day

I keep re-reading my blog post about my imaginary day. It just sounds so lovely and relaxing. Then I thought, maybe I should show my wonderful followers what a real day looks like for me.

6 a.m. The alarm goes off, jarring me awake.. But I have discovered that my sound machine/alarm clock has a wind chime tone. I awake to wind chimes chiming, as I slap at the clock to make it STOP. Then I roll over and pull the covers over my head while mumbling unintelligibly about the unnaturalness of waking up when it’s still dark.

6:30 a.m. I get up and pour big bowls of Fruity Pebbles for everyone. What? It has the word fruit in it.

7:50 a.m. I drop Caylie at school and drive north for a 9 a.m. appointment. On the way, Chase and stop at a store and buy dental floss to kill some time and keep our gums healthy.

9 a.m. My Physical Therapist guides me through a series of movements so she can evaluate my pelvic movement, gait, and muscle alignment. I’m totally jacked up on my entire left side. She then guides me through a session of stretches to open up my rib cage and stretch the muscle that attaches my pelvis to my ribs. Easy schmeezy.

10:30 a.m. Muscles I didn’t realize I had in my back are starting to ache.

11 a.m. I make lunch for Chase and myself. Then I talk on the phone while I throw dinner in the crockpot. Eventually, I remember that I have a lunch waiting for me to eat it.

12 p.m. Chase and I dance around the living room doing ninja moves. We pretend we’re Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and are obnoxiously loud with our kiai as we make our pretend hits. My neighbors were surely eating themselves up with jealousy at our boisterousness.

12:30 p.m. I throw in a load of laundry. I finish the erotic vampire urban fantasy romance novel that I started yesterday. Then I grab my Kindle and cruise Facebook and check my emails in a semi-quiet house. (I replaced the batteries in Chase’s Imaginext T-Rex. It provided hours of me-time).

1:30 p.m. I put in a second load of laundry. I fold my first load of laundry. Then I start cleaning my house. I’ve been so lazy about cleaning lately that this proves to be a daunting task. Chase provides running commentary on how well things are looking while I put away toys.

2:50 p.m. We walk to the bus stop and wait for Caylie. The balmy 47 degree day in Maine makes my newfound back muscles feel like they will shatter with any sudden movements.

3:15 p.m. I break up a fight over the newly noisy T-Rex and wish that I had a nanny.

3:30 p.m. I put on a movie for the kids and write a blog.

4 p.m. I’m off to fold my second load of laundry while my crockpot cooks a pot roast.

Bet you’re wondering what will happen next! So exciting! I’ll give you a preview of what’s to come: We’ll eat, clean up, nag my daughter to get ready for bed, brush teeth, sing lullabies, yell at the kid who keeps coming out of her room while we’re trying to watch a horror movie and I’ll be asleep by 9:30 p.m. Riveting, isn’t it?

A Day in my Imaginary Life

My friend Mary over at Contrary Mom is currently participating in “A Day in the Life of…” project. I’m finding it fascinating to see what other people are doing with their days. I thought about doing this, but my life is really boring and I’d fall asleep just blogging about the details. So instead, I’m going to blog about what I would like to be doing on a typical day. (We’ll assume, for this imaginary day, that funds are unlimited. Wouldn’t that be nice?)

9 a.m. I am gently brought to consciousness by the soft chime of a tibetan singing bowl.

9:15 a.m. I eat breakfast in bed. I’d like the raspberry coconut pancakes they serve at my favorite breakfast place in Monterey, CA. (First Awakenings; you need to eat there. You do.) I get to eat gluten without consequence in my imagination!

9:45 a.m. My personal yoga instructor guides me through a session that awakens and energizes me for the rest of the day.

11 a.m. I make notes on an idea for my next best-selling novel while I soak my feet and get a head, neck and scalp massage at Soakology. And I think I’ll try their Apple Pie Chai while I’m relaxing too.

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12:30 p.m. My girlfriends and I meet up for lunch, eat some amazing food that I don’t have to cook and laugh so obnoxiously loud in our joi de vivre that other people glare at us in jealousy. Because we are enjoying ourselves that much. Truly.

2 p.m. I sit down and work on my novel in a quiet house.

4 p.m. I pick the kids up from the nanny and consult with our personal chef about what we’d like for dinner tonight.

4:30 p.m. I spend quality time with my family.

6 p.m. We eat our gourmet dinner and share about our day. No one interrupts anyone else or tries to talk over them. There is no yelling and the kids eat all their vegetables without complaint.

7 p.m. The live-in nanny bathes the kids and makes sure they’re ready for bed.

7:30 p.m. I sing lullabies and tuck in my kiddos. They fall asleep immediately and NEVER wake me up in the middle of the night.

8 p.m. Mike and I go and have some “alone time.” For 2 hours.

10 p.m. I’m so exhausted from all that alone time, that all I can do is lay in bed and read.

11 p.m. I fall asleep to the cracking sound of the fireplace and the summer nights track on my sound machine.

My Wild Child

I want to share this great blog post I just read on Scarymommy.com written by Kristen from Abandoning Pretense. I read it and a lot of the things Kristen wrote made me feel like she pulled those thoughts right out of my brain.

What You Don’t Know About That Wild, Unruly Child

“When you pass out your child’s birthday party invites, he’s the kid you’d just as soon not invite. At soccer practice, he’s the one on your child’s team who makes you think, why do his parents even bother bringing him? He’s obviously not interested. At the grocery store, he’s the brat who makes you think, his parents need to learn to control their kid. But there are some things you don’t know about that wild, unruly child…” read more

I have a wild child. She’s impulsive and aggressive and loud. She can be irritating and sometimes goes too far in social situations. And my heart breaks for her when she isn’t invited to the parties and she tells me she just wants to be with her friends (who don’t always want to be with her). She wants to play sports because she wants to be with her friends, but she isn’t interested in playing; she cries at the practices and stares off into space during the game. Or she is so focused on the kids around her – trying to start a conversation with them, to hug them – that she forgets she’s supposed to be playing a game.

I was in the grocery store a few weeks ago with both kids. They were both acting crazy, especially my wild child, and I kept getting these looks. You may know them. You may give them to other moms. That out-of-the-corner-of-the-eye look. The condescending, judging look that says, “Why can’t you control your kids. My kids would never behave that way in public.” Well, I was getting the look. And in the very last aisle, I lost it and yelled. This old lady was standing there squeezing loaves of bread and she gave me a harsh look, like I was monster to yell at my kids like that. So what did I do? I gave her the alpha female stare down, of course. I looked her in the eyes and just stared at her until she not only dropped her eyes, but stopped squeezing bread and left the aisle. I don’t feel bad about it, ’cause lady, you have no idea how frazzled I was.

Parenting a wild child is demanding and draining. And that wild child is still only a child. She’s not a bad kid; she just hasn’t figured out how to control herself yet. She doesn’t always understand why something she wants to do is inappropriate or rude or dangerous. Give her a break. Give her mom a break. And unless you’re going to smile at me and give me that conspiratorial wink that says you understand, keep your looks to yourselves!

The Force is With Me

Oh Book Blogger Challenge, I forgot to tell you that I get bored very easily. You haven’t read my 100+3 Things About Me blog post yet, have you? No matter. I will try to complete you, Blogger Challenge.

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Oh.

Of course, Master Yoda. I do. I will complete my Book Blogger Challenge.

Day 8: Write 15 bullet points of things that appeal to you on blogs.

Humor, honesty, real life, parenting rants, personal opinion, raw emotion, creativity, anything about writing, book recommendations, parenting advice, music reviews, movie reviews, stuff about marriage, and wuv, tru wuv…

Day 9: Why Do You Blog About Books?

I don’t. Not usually, anyway. But I do love to read.

Day 10: How do you choose what book to read next?

Goodreads.com is pretty good at recommending books I will like based on the things I have already read. I get most of my ideas about what to read next from Goodreads. I am also one of those people who will read anything an author I like has written. I will literally grab the entire block of paperbacks by one author from the library shelf and read them one by one. When I’ve exhausted that author’s book list, I move on to another. And I take recommendations from friends too.

Hasta la vista, baby. Hit me with some of your favorite lines from a movie! I got a FEVER! And the only prescription…is MORE COWBELL. (You can include TV quotes too.)

My Blogging Quirks

Ahhhhhh, Monday. Why do you and I hate each other so much? You are just so manic! Why can’t you be more like your brother, Friday? Oh well. Since we’re back to the beginning of the week, I guess I should get back to my Book Blogger Challenge.

Day Seven: Talk about your blogging quirks.

Quirks, huh? Let’s see… I have a penchant for big words and run-on sentences. Sarcasm, movie and music references. Fragments. (And I seem to be in love with using parentheses to express my remarks that go off on a tangent.)

When I started my blog, it was to sort of document my life with kids. Both for myself and for my family members that live in a galaxy far, far away. I used to worry about what I should be writing about vs what I wanted to write and I oftentimes did not write what I wanted to. I was worried that I was going to turn into a complainer or that those people that are struggling with infertility would get pissed that I was some mess of a woman who was lucky enough to be able to birth a child and boo to me. Then I went through the trauma of losing a baby. Well, it wasn’t until the second baby that I was traumatized. And I found that blogging about that raw pain was extremely cathartic. It embarrassed me to admit my weakness, but made me feel like a better person because I could.

Now, I guess I’m treating my blog like an online journal. I’m blogging about what I’m usually thinking about. And the days I’m not blogging, I’m probably not thinking about much of anything. Or I’m writing fiction, reading, cooking, or being a homebody. I’m having more fun with my blog now that I’m not caring about what people will think when they read it. No one else has lived my life, so they can go ahead and judge me if they want to. I know that they don’t have a clue.

Do you blog? Why did you start blogging? Are you still blogging for the same reasons?