Hell Week

This week has been rough. I’m not going to go into any detail because I’m trying to respect my daughter’s privacy, but I’d say that this week has been the most emotional for me since her birth.

Parents get a bad rap. We get blamed for pretty much everything. Kids are misbehaving? The parents must not be effective disaplinarians. Kids performing poorly in school? Parents must not value a good education. Kids are socially awkward? The parents must shelter those poor, poor kids. It almost feels like parents can never get it right. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

Parenting decisions are the hardest I’ve ever had to make. Because those decisions are effecting someone else’s life. Not my life, not my husband’s, but the very lives of our children are directly effected by the choices we make for them. And sometimes it’s terrifying.

When I was a kid, I thought that when you grew up you would finally know all the answers. That choices would be easier once you were in complete control of your own life.

Oh God, how I wish I had been right.

Being a parent is like learning a language and each child’s personality is a different dialect. Much like English grammar, there seems to be an exception to every rule. It’s dizzying when you don’t know what to do next because it seems like there are always a million different choices, but you need to make the precise one in order to not screw up your kids.

Please, God, let me make those precise choices because I don’t want to make a mistake.

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3 thoughts on “Hell Week

  1. I’m sorry that you are having such a rough time. Parents do get blamed for a ton of stuff that really isn’t up to us. Hang in there; those of us that know you know that you are an amazing mom who loves her kids fiercely (even and especially when they are really difficult!) and is doing her very best. I think in the end, we do the best we can and hang on for the ride. Call me anytime you want to chat, mama.

  2. Yeah but there really are no right answers. You know that. Just like there are no wrong answers. Times are going to come up and you’re just going to have to make a decision. It’s going to be good, bad, right, wrong, crunchy, smooth, or any of the above. It’s just going to be the decision you make, and that’s going to be that. I’m a teacher and I blame parents for all kinds of shit. So what? You’re a parent; yeah, you’re gonna get blamed. Oh well. At this stage of life, you’ll get blamed more. After 18, the world will still blame you probably. That’s just what humans do – we like to blame others and not worry about our own lives.

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    But – at a certain point, it’s going to be up to the child to make decisions and take responsibility for themselves. That’s just it. Your child may also blame you. But at the end of your life, you’re going to look back and either be glad or disappointed with your decisions. And you can either worry about those particular decisions or just let them go. There’s nothing you can do to turn back time. You just do with the present the best you can.

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