I sectioned off this time without kids to work on my manuscript, but I’m just not feeling it. I need to do a lot of re-writing and I’m not in the writing kind of mood. The only thing I really feel like doing lately is a whole lot of nothing.
I’ve been spending a lot of time worrying about my daughter. Like how to keep her safe. Guess who figured out how to shut off the alarms on the doors? Hooray to Kindergarten for teaching her to read, and hooray to me for having a daughter who is clever enough to read the word “off” and click the switch in that direction. But boo to the fact that my clever little girl doesn’t have any fear and doesn’t make good choices. And suffers from insomnia and can do I-don’t-want-to-know what while the rest of us are sleeping.
I never realized that being a parent would make you feel so helpless. As much as I want to, I can’t control my kids’ actions. Maybe I can control some little things, like what time they eat, what time they go to bed, but the big stuff is out of my hands. Like making friends and making the “right” choices. Like being safe when I’m not right there to protect them. It’s maddening!