I’ve spent the last 2 days looking at everyone’s back to school pictures. And I just have to say… I’m still waiting for Kindergarten to start in my town! My 3 year old started nursery school yesterday, but I have to wait until Monday for my Kindergartener to head off to school. Five days and counting….
In the meantime, I guess I should be reading the 6 page handout that the school gave me in March to help me prepare my child for Kindergarten. Considering that it took them 6 pages to tell me what I’m supposed to do to get her ready for Kindergarten (where all I did was play and sing and learn my letters) I’m guessing I won’t really have time now for all this preparation. In fact, I think they should have given me these instructions to read while I was pushing my child into this world. Good way to spend an hour and a half of my time.
Let’s see. In the last 6 months, I was supposed to do these things to prepare my daughter for Kindergarten:
Build a Love of Learning. Okay, I think I can do that. Kids ask enough questions that I should never run out of topics. Because kids always listen to their parents when they’re talking. Yeah.
Teach Your Child Independence. Works for me! There’s nothing better than a kid who can dress herself, feed herself and wipe her own butt! Once she can use the stove, I think my job in the house will be over.
Build Motor Skills. Um. Okay. I’ve got some canned goods we can do some strength training with. I mean, I can’t possibly rely on my child’s own brain to help her develop these basic skills.
Develop Language Skills. Been there, done that. I think the guy that almost side swiped me when I pulled over for an ambulance the other day was very helpful in building my kids’ language skills. I think I used every swear word in my very vast college English major vocabulary while I honked my horn and shook my fist out the window. They may have learned some sign language too.
Explore Other Cultures. Already done! We just took a trip to Walmart yesterday! My kids are going to be so advanced.
Nurture Your Child’s Physical Well-being. I think I’ve done this since the cops haven’t come to take my kids away. Oh, and we’re gluten free. I mean, that should bring me halfway up the Mother of the Year Award scale all on its own.
Teach Your Child Self-discipline. Baahahahahahaha!!! Do you know that one of the tips was to “avoid tantrums?” I mean, if I knew how to do that I wouldn’t have been mired down in depression for the last month. Mrs. Kindergarten Teacher, this one’s all on you.
Teach Your Child To Get Along With Others. This one is tricky. I haven’t figured out how to do this one yet. Guess that one goes to the teacher to work on. Maybe I should sit in so she can teach me too.