The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

I am almost home free. Mike is on vacation as of 4 o’clock on Friday evening. I just have to make it until then.

The good things this week: 1) I applied for a part-time job with Scholastic and have an interview on Tuesday. The building is about 5 minutes from my house. If I take the job, I will be working for the man again, which I haven’t done since getting out of the Navy at the end of 2005. I thought it would be good to get me out of the house and away from all things domestic and mother-like for a few days a week. 2) I have been night-training my son since the beginning of last week. He has been potty-trained for almost a year and a half, but I have been lazy about trying to train him to hold it overnight. I hate washing sheets every day. But today was day 3 of waking up dry. And he slept from 7:30 p.m. to 8 a.m. this morning. I may get to go back to washing his sheets every week (or two).

ImageThe bad things this week: 1) Caylie’s night-time wanderings have my anxiety level at defcon 5 and I haven’t been sleeping well because of it. I keep getting up and checking the kids, checking the locks on the doors and roaming the house, searching for signs that she’s been out of her room. The extra anxiety and sleep deprivation has left me feeling depressed. There’s nothing like parenthood to make a person feel helpless. And I feel like nothing I do works anymore so let’s add a little bit of hopelessness in there too. 2) My creativity is at an all time low. I feel boring and unoriginal and have nothing to say that doesn’t sound like I’m bitching.

The ugly things this week: 1) The words coming out of my mouth when my daughter pisses me off make me go into a room and cry about it later. I feel like a horrible parent. 2) I left the kids alone in the kitchen with finger paints. It’s quiet. I’m thinking we’ll be having bath time very early today.


2 thoughts on “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

  1. You are not alone! I feel like a horrible parent at least once a day. I think we’re all too hard on ourselves, though. What a coincidence, I’m interviewing for part time jobs, too. Good luck on your interview! I think it’s a great idea.

  2. My parents went through the same thing with me when I was young with the sleep walking. They woke up one morning and couldn’t find me anywhere. They found me outside sleeping on patio furniture clutching some kittens. My dad moved the kittens into the house and put a chain lock at the top of the door where I couldn’t reach. After that I started standing at the edege of my mother’s bed and staring until she woke up. At first she would walk me back to bed but eventually after being startled awake multiple times a night she started just rolling over and letting me sleep in her bed. Hang in there! It gets better I promise. Everyone feels like a bad mother from time to time.

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