Woke up in the wee hours of the morning this morning. You know how it is (well the ladies do) – after 2 babies your bladder is just never the same. I walked into the hallway and saw my kids’ bedroom door wide open. So I peeked in. Empty beds. Okay. Empty playroom, empty guest room, empty living room. No lights on in the house. It was 4 a.m. and I saw that the kitchen door was wide open.
Cue the true drama queen Tamara reaction. I ran, screaming, down the hall, visions of Elizabeth Smart in my head and turned on the overhead light in my bedroom. My husband was in the Army and even though he’s been out for 6 years, he still wakes up like he’s in basic – one minute he’s asleep and the next he’s on his feet and ready to attack. So the light went on, I was screaming, Mike was in battle mode and we ran outside (okay, I was the only one running, Mike was calmly doing a thorough room-to-room search before walking outside). There are my kids, in the dark, sitting on the fucking lawn chairs in their underwear with their hoodies on. “We’re looking at the stars, mom,” says my daughter, calmly, like she didn’t just give me a heart attack at the age of 37 at 4 in the fucking morning!
Looking at the stars? You could be halfway through New England by now in the back of some weirdo’s molester van about to become his 7th wife! Seriously? She woke up her brother, lured him outside at 4 in the morning, in the dark. To look at the stars.
“What were you thinking?”
“Well, we were wide awake-”
“Um, your brother told me you woke him up.”
“Well, I was wide awake.”
And there you go. A day in the life of Tamara trying to mother Caylie without killing her. We’ll be heading to Home Depot after dinner to either buy a new front door and new kitchen door complete with dead locks and chains (which I think she’s smart enough to unlock on her own), or an alarm system to alert us when the door is opened (which I’m not sure we would hear all the way across the house in our room). Or, a padlock to put on the screen door (which is a fire hazard). Too bad they don’t make kiddie crates. We could just crate train her for night time.