Woman vs Nature

I am currently at war with nature.

Torrential rains mixed with heat and humidity means that all the living things outside are trying to get into my house. We’ve got chipmunks living under both our front and our back stoop who I hear scratching and scrabbling around. I can hear the fat squirrels rolling their acorns on my roof and trying to break into the attic. And don’t get me started on the mice that I’ve been telling my husband I can hear in the garage.

Too late, I got me started. So we live in the woods and have lots of wildlife. That’s cool when you get to watch a giant porcupine waddle through your backyard and your kids want to learn everything they can about porcupines. It’s not cool when field mice are hanging out in your shed or your garage. I’ve been trying to convince my husband to let us get a cat. But after the Buddy debacle (our puppy that tried to chew my son’s balls off) Mike understandably doesn’t want any more pets. Thursday night I ran an errand with Mike’s car when the fan in his car started making this horrible clicking sound. I drove it home and told him, but since he loves to sweat, he didn’t care that he couldn’t turn his a/c on without a loud clicking sound. Monday evening, Mike pulls into the driveway and hops out of the car. “Go sit in the car and tell me if you know what that smell is.” Oh lawd, it stunk!! Two hours at the Honda service department and $188 later, Mike comes home to tell me that they found a dead mouse in the engine and that maggots (maggots, I tell you!) had gotten into the blower engine of his fan mechanism or whatever big mechanical words he told me and I’ve now forgotten. All I can say is YUCK! And they can’t guarantee the smell will go away unless we pay over a thousand bucks to replace a bunch of junk under the hood that smells like decomposing mouse remains crawling with maggots. (Maggots! Bah!)

Add to this my month long fight to keep ants from taking over my house. My daughter thinks that ants are her pets and I swear she brought a bunch of them in the house to feed them even though she won’t admit it. They were everywhere! And that was after the spiders came in from the rain to take up residence in our bathroom. So I stopped vacuuming up the spiders in the hopes that they will eat some of the ants and mosquitoes invading my home.

But tonight was Pearl Harbor in the War Against Nature. I was happily eating dinner when a flying ant dive bombed the table and landed on my food. Oh, big mistake flying ant. Big mistake. It’s on!

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