What The News Taught Me

I hate the news. Since I don’t have cable, or any network TV, I never watch the news. The only way I really know what’s going on in the country is from the headlines flashing across Yahoo’s home page when I log on to check my email. And from what people are talking about on social media. This may be ridiculous to some, but I have better things to be incensed about – like why tourists think they can walk across the street and just stop in front of a moving vehicle. Or why the woman in front of me in the check out line is signing a WIC check, talking on a $300 cell phone and carrying a Coach bag.

But I learned a couple of things from the news this weekend:

1. I need a permit for my tampons. I didn’t realize what dangerous weapons these were until I read about TamponGate. I mean, you can carry a loaded gun into the Texas Capitol as long as you have a permit. But a tampon or maxi pad? Forget it! They’re lethal! I wish I had learned this sooner. I mean, I’m going to have to buy a safe for those babies to keep them away from my kids. All this time, I’ve let them lay around in the bathroom cabinet – unlocked! My kids could have harmed themselves. I’m ashamed of my own stupidity.


2. I should be living in Florida. Fun in the sun is all grand, but did you know murder isn’t even a crime there? Man, sometimes life just isn’t fair. They get Disney World and Get Out Jail Free Cards. Kids walking home in the dark, 2 year-olds that are hampering your social life – the sky’s the limit!! Just in case I’m overwhelmed with homicidal rage sometime in the future, I need to get me to Florida!

getoutofjailfreeI’m thinking I may need to keep my eyes on the news headlines. Who knows what other life-changing things I’ll learn.


4 thoughts on “What The News Taught Me

  1. If all you are watching/reading are internet reports, you might be getting biased information. I don’t know what happened that night: I’m just glad I wasn’t on the Jury.

    • I don’t know what happened either, but when you shoot a 17 year-old kid point blank in the chest and don’t even get manslaughter? That’s a crime. People serve time for vehicular manslaughter all the time. And they weren’t chasing after a person with a loaded gun.

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