I’m currently reading a book about a woman who can shape-shift into a coyote but who was raised by werewolves. This sounds ridiculous, yes, but the summary of the book is even more lame. Goodreads.com recommended it though, so I gave it a chance and I have to give it to Goodreads – they really know how to predict what I’ll like. It’s actually pretty good. The one thing I keep thinking about while I’m reading this book is how people always say they wished they had these cool abilities. Personally, I think it would suck.
Case in point, I went into the bathroom and grabbed one of my fabric headbands off of the sink countertop this morning. About a second after I put it on, I realized it was wet. About a second after that, I realized that with 2 little kids and a toilet in the same room with said headband that the water currently cooling my scalp could be toilet water. If I was a coyote, I guess I would have smelled the wet headband before I touched it, but then again, I also would have smelled everything else in the bathroom. At levels I really don’t want to think about.
Last week it was in the 90s here. My kids were waking up soaked through their jammies and they stunk! Gah! I had to wash their sheets and even their pillows more than once that week. Who knew little kids’ sweat could smell so bad? No need for extrasensory abilities there either.
My dirt bike riding neighbor across the street, a native Mainer, spent 2 of the hottest days last week laying out in his driveway in his too-short bathing trunks. I mentioned the native Mainer part to make you aware that his skin only ever sees the sun about 4 to 5 months out of the year and I think he may also be part albino. Even though he has a perfectly good backyard that his tweenaged son mows for him, he chose to lay in the driveway. Even though he has a pool with a nice big deck in his perfectly good, nicely mowed backyard, a towel on a hot driveway was the place to be. Didn’t need super-enhanced vision to get blinded by that white-out, thank you very much.
The ability to shift into a coyote so I can run through the woods undetected at night? As much as it might be nice to get away, the kids are in bed before the sun is completely down this time of year. So I have no need to be running through the woods. And did I mention that I live in Maine? Hello? Ticks. No thank you.
I wouldn’t want the enhanced hearing either. Every Thursday in the neighboring city of Old Orchard Beach, the city sets off fireworks at 10 pm. All. summer. long. And I can hear it with my regular, non-coyote hearing. That and the bad 90s music that my next door neighbor listens to when he cleans his boat right outside my bedroom window very early in the morning on the weekends. I won’t insult you by mentioning my dirt bike riding neighbor and his dirt bike riding friends in their motorhome who rev their bike engines and ride around their yard at night in yet another post. I’m sure you get the point.
Yep, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t want to be a shape-shifting coyote. Or a werewolf, a vampire or a faerie. All of whom have made an appearance in this book I’m reading.