I have been following this youtube video series ConvosWith2YrOld and I was inspired to come up with one of my own. So here is a first attempt at my “script.”
A typical conversation with my 5 year old would go something like this: I’m at the sink washing the dishes (it could happen!) Caylie walks into the kitchen and talks to my back. “Mom, I want to go over to my friend Alex’s house.”
Without turning around I reply, “Alex isn’t home.”
“Yes, she is. She just called me and told me I could come over.”
“No she didn’t. The phone never rang and she doesn’t know your phone number. She’s 5.”
(Shouting) “She did! She called me just now! She said I could come over!”
I continue to wash dishes without turning around to face her. “Alex is at daycare and doesn’t come home until after dad is home from work. You can’t go to her house. Why don’t you play outside?”
Caylie stomps around the kitchen making guttural grunting noises that obviously mean no. “I want to go to Alex’s hoooooooooouse because she is my best friend and I love her and I have to see her everyday and she wants me to come over and have a sleep over and swing on her swing set and we can play with her sisters and the dogs can chase us. Pleeeeeease can I go to Alex’s house? Please, please, please, please, pleeeeeease?” Caylie throws herself on the floor. “I have to see her. If I don’t see her I’m just going to lay here and never get up.”
“Caylie,” I say calmly as I scrub a pot, “You have met Alex 2 times in your entire life. She isn’t home so you can’t go to her house. Get off the floor and go play outside.”
Screaming and kicking the kitchen floor, “I hate you! You never let me do anything! You are ruining my life! I won’t go outside! I won’t ever go outside ever again!”
“Caylie, get your tush off my kitchen floor and get out of here before I throw this pot at your head.” I brandish the pot over my head threateningly.
Caylie stomps out of the room.
I take a deep breath, sip my iced coffee and carefully place the clean pot in the drying rack.
(Note: This script is based on an actual conversation I had with my 5 year old at some point within the last few months. I did not, however, at any time, use the word “tush.” I may or may not have been doing the dishes.)